Today was one of the hardest days. I went to visit a dear friend who is going through the worst time imaginable and it was really tough. What do you say? What do you not say? You want to be strong for them but not seem cold, but there is a fear that if you feel too much emotion you will end up in a blubbering mess and the last thing they need is to be comforting you.
I have never seen my friend in so much pain; an inexplicable hurt. It is natural to want to make it all go away but I know that it is not realistic for everything to feel ‘normal’, it’s too soon.
How do you help someone grieve without being overbearing or keeping too much distance, how do you find the right balance? I found it helped to listen. Listen to what she chose to tell me, what was helping her to cope and most of all how she was feeling. That gave me a clue as to how I could help over the next few months.
When grief hits, it hits hard and I didn’t realise until it happened how much it would affect me. I have not experienced what she has, but I have known loss. I feel I am grieving for her as well as with her, but I know that as much as my feelings are important to me and valid in my own personal space, I am very aware of not offloading those feelings of sadness and despair onto her. As much as it is heartbreaking to see her in pain it is important for me to be there when she needs me.
The Diary of Emm 