[Disclaimer: This is just an account of my thoughts and feelings currently, I am not trying to, or wish to, ignore the true suffering of people who are having a much harder time at the moment than me. I know how lucky I am that my family, and I still have good health and I truly pray that we find a way forward through this as soon as possible to save as many lives being lost as we can.]
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They always say you don’t know what is around the corner, and boy were they right. ‘Lockdown’ is not a phrase I ever thought would feature in my life. The idyllic bubble of naivety that I existed in, where I thought about nothing other than what was planned in my mundane life for the week ahead, has been ceremoniously burst in the last week. We have seen this virus coming, like a wave across the Earth, since January. However, in our ignorance (or maybe just in mine?) never thought of how it would affect our lives. It was something that was happening across the other side of the world, not happening here, in my country, or even in my county. Yet within the last two weeks in the UK, the Midlands have now gained the second highest rate of infection outside of London; schools are closed; and as of yesterday, my husband, and mother, no longer have a job to go to. The supermarket shelves are empty; people are booking delivery slots out for weeks to come, and practically all shops, libraries, cinemas, theatres, cafes, restaurants, and playgrounds are closed until further notice.
At the moment I’m OK, but last week I was a wreck not being allowed to see my parents, both of whom are classed as high risk of complications if they catch this thing. I’m worried about my aunt, my sister-in-law who is pregnant, and my brother, who is half way through a teaching course with no children to teach. I worry about my own children, I don’t want them to catch anything, not least our youngest daughter who is only 11 weeks old. Last week I felt scared, upset and unnerved. This week feels more like denial, oh and I’ve had to crack open a bottle of wine (and I never drink!). I think I’m in denial about not being able to send our children to school for weeks on end, that we won’t be able to go out on days out with my parents for who knows how long, that my husband is supposed to be walking his sister down the aisle in July and who knows where we will be by then; I haven’t even contemplated the idea of not being able to pay the rent or bills after this month. I think in all, I am grieving, for the way of life we have all suddenly lost.
People keep ignoring advice, seeing the sunshine they flock to the beach like nothing is happening, but the truth is, this virus, this disease, at least from what I have heard, can be savage, and it will kill many more people if they don’t listen and stay indoors to break the cycle of infection. If they don’t stay home, who knows how long it will be before we get back to any kind of normal life.
I have to stay hopeful, I have to stay sane. I suddenly find myself homeschooling two children and it’s the children that need to feel grounded and safe in all this chaos. We hope for a way forward, we hope for the future, for health, wealth and happiness for everyone we know. We hope for rainbows.
Please. Stay. At. Home
The Diary of Emm 