B e a c h L o v e

I bet you can’t guess what this post is about??

Just kidding I’d be a tad worried if you hadn’t figured it out. I love the beach but more specifically the British seaside. There is something kitsch about it, quaint I suppose you’d call it. It’s full of memories from my childhood and dreams of an idyllic stress-free life in the future.

My husband is always on at me to go on holiday abroad, but to be honest, I’m more than happy to stay put! I love the tacky gift shops and 2p arcades, stripey deck chairs and building sandcastles on a blustery day. The sea is always freezing however, no I’m not keen on the sea, but as long as it doesn’t go past my ankles I’m ok with that.

You can find sun loungers, seashells and crashing waves on most coastal resorts but what I love about the UK are the beach huts. I have a slight obsession, in fact you should see the cushion I picked up today over on Instagram (@emma_l_blakeley). I have always wanted to hire one and it’s definitely on my list of life goals (yes I’m a bit sad like that).

I remember going to Swanage (I think it was) in Dorset a few years ago and there was a shop on a narrow, steep, cobbled lane. The shop was tiny but it just invited you in. There was a lady sat behind a little desk and she was selling hand painted post cards, aprons and tea towels. They were all adorned with cutesy paintings of the area, the local animals, beach huts etc and they were all her designs. From the minute I walked in I felt like I was in Wonderland. Not because the shop was glitzy or jaw dropping, actually it was quite small and simple, but because she was doing what she loved as a job, in the most amazing place. And at that moment I had a dream to open my own craft business by the sea one day.

I’m not sure when or how I’ll get there but it cheers me up on a blue day.

We want to decorate our bedroom again soon, and I think I now know what the theme will be!

(He should be grateful I don’t make us all live in a beach hut permanently)

 

D i z z y

I’m feeling a lot better now, after almost a whole day of feeling like I’ve been on board ship. At dinner last night it just came over me. In the night I couldn’t get up with the baby, the husband reluctantly did. Every time I put my head down, the room started spinning. Once I was in one position, like lying in bed, it stopped so I just wanted to stay there. It has got gradually better throughout the day today luckily, however isn’t it just so much harder to be a mum when you feel like crap?!

The baby has been so good as always but I’m sure the older kids do even more to wind me up, or I’m just extra sensitive to all the bickering and attitude coming from them in buckets. Then there is my daughter who still wants to play Play Doh and Barbies, which is the last thing you want to do when you’d rather curl up on the sofa (sadly that possibility is impossible with three kids to look after) .

I have gone through spells like this before but often it goes away when I get up in the morning. It is one way of being ill which really makes me nervous however. My mum had a serious experience with Vertigo when I was younger and all I remember was she literally lay on the sofa for a week because she couldn’t move, everything was spinning and when ever she sat up she was sick and I’m terrified that will happen to me one day.

 

M e m o r i e s

I love it when family come to visit, especially when it's my brother. Suddenly all the months you've been away from each other disappear and it's like you're back at home as kids again.

As you grow up your brain creates a bank of memories, adding to it after every board game played, trip to the beach and special birthday. You don't even realise it's happening really, not until your little brother is coming home for the weekend and your brain starts to run through all the fun times, and all the funny little moments it has stored.

I don't feel I have a lot of memories as a child but the ones I do have are special. It's easy to get nostalgic and reminiscent of the old days, but it's also good to live in the here and now and remember that we are making new memories every time we see each other again to treasure for years to come.

H e a r t b r o k e n

Today was one of the hardest days. I went to visit a dear friend who is going through the worst time imaginable and it was really tough. What do you say? What do you not say? You want to be strong for them but not seem cold, but there is a fear that if you feel too much emotion you will end up in a blubbering mess and the last thing they need is to be comforting you.

I have never seen my friend in so much pain; an inexplicable hurt. It is natural to want to make it all go away but I know that it is not realistic for everything to feel ‘normal’, it’s too soon.

How do you help someone grieve without being overbearing or keeping too much distance, how do you find the right balance? I found it helped to listen. Listen to what she chose to tell me, what was helping her to cope and most of all how she was feeling. That gave me a clue as to how I could help over the next few months.

When grief hits, it hits hard and I didn’t realise until it happened how much it would affect me. I have not experienced what she has, but I have known loss. I feel I am grieving for her as well as with her, but I know that as much as my feelings are important to me and valid in my own personal space, I am very aware of not offloading those feelings of sadness and despair onto her. As much as it is heartbreaking to see her in pain it is important for me to be there when she needs me.